i was inspired today so here are some tips on sex positivity and making sure your sexual relationship with your partner or yourself is a good one! many of these are things i wish i knew in high school so i’m passing them on to you guys! (this will reblog as a link so be sure to change that)
- you should feel good after sex. this is REALLY IMPORTANT. if you you feel ashamed or dirty (in a bad way) after it, something is probably wrong. talk to your partner if you feel gross or weird afterward and work it out together.
- if you feel bad after sex, talk it out with your partner. i cannot emphasize this enough. you might have a great romantic relationship and a bad sexual relationship. this could be because of a number of things, including but not limited to: one/both of you is bad in bed, sexual incompatibility, lack of reciprocation, one/both of you is asexual (but not necessarily aromantic), lack of consent, etc. the best way to figure out what is wrong and fix it is to TALK ABOUT IT. be totally honest, because lying or hiding the truth will just make things worse.
- ALWAYS get consent before having sex. consent is an enthusiastic, sober yes that comes without persuasion or threatening.
- it is possible to have a good romantic relationship and a bad sexual relationship. as i said before, talk it out with your partner and you will hopefully be able to solve it. HOWEVER. next point:
- if you have a bad romantic relationship and a good sexual relationship DO NOT STAY FOR THE SEX. i don’t care how good it is, it is NOT worth it. chances are it makes you feel bad about yourself no matter how good it is in the moment, and you won’t realize it until you end the relationship.
- it is OKAY to have a big sex drive or to not have one at all! there is nothing to be ashamed of, believe me. you’re not alone.
- if your partner can’t turn you on (or vice-versa) your technique may be wrong. not everyone likes the same thing and everyone gets turned on by different things! do some research, tell them what you like when you’re masturbating, etc.
- MASTURBATE. there is nothing to be ashamed of, a lot of people do it. it helps you to know what you like when you do get in bed with someone else.
- everyone’s vagina looks different. yours probably won’t look like a porn star’s, but really no one is gonna care. really. trust me on this one. same goes for penises but i’m sure there’s more variety portrayed of those in porn.
- great websites to buy sex toys/accessories: x (my personal favorite), x, x, x, x
- groupon has deals on vibrators.
- don’t be ashamed to go to sex stores! that’s what they’re there for. it’s fun to go (if you’re 18+, you can’t get in under that age) and just check it out, see what’s on the market. no one will stare at you, don’t worry. they’re all there for the same reason you are.
- have a safeword. this should be something you say (not “stop” but something you wouldn’t say, like “sarajevo” or “cookbook”) for if you want your partner to stop. saying “stop” works but you might say it in a sexual roleplay situation and not mean it. having a safeword ensures that when you say it you both know you’re serious about stopping.
- don’t be ashamed of your kinks. everyone has different kinks, and most of them are way more common than you’d believe. talk to them with your partner and you just might be able to enhance your sex life with them. be willing to try new things and experiment within your comfort, but always remember your safeword if you find you don’t like something!
- don’t pressure your partner into doing something. make sure everything you do is 100% consensual at all times.
- most importantly, TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. you CANNOT have a good sexual relationship without dialogue. your partner and you should both listen and respond to how the other is feeling, and work together to improve your relationship if something is going wrong.
that’s all i have for today, feel free to add on if you want!
Coming from a place like Washington, DC, it’s a little surprising to find so many fucking kinksters. Its great for me—we have such a great community, so much opportunity, and so many friends. But it’s also hard. Many people in the community are on track to be politicians, diplomats, and public figures. It’s easy to understand why they wouldn’t want to be “out”.
So I’m hella lucky to be leading a small but growing club at my university. Already we have had group field trips to some of the clubs, social meetings, and some educational time.
Not to brag, but I’m so proud of my “little duckies” (as I call them while we navigate the subway together). One of the leaders of a local club introduced themselves to me and asked how we were finding our field trip. I could happily say that everyone seemed to be having a good time, and I’m only pleased that it turned out so well.
I think the best moment we’ve had so far, however, was our latest Body Meeting. Why? Cuz I got hime to come.
Sorry, but I’m a possessive fuck. Is this news? So the cute couples go meetings with their cute S/O’s and guess what? I get to be one of them. She sat in the front row and made us muffins and made jokes and watched some girl touch my butt so we could demonstrate safe spanking practices and was just the sweetest thing about the whole endeavor.
I’m so proud of my girl and I’m so proud of my club and it’s heady and wonderful to be able to smoosh them together.
No one else is touching her.
I’ll write a post later about the club, intro events, and maybe something about impact play, so check back soon!
Fucking In Front of Windows
One of the things I like to play with in my exploration of the scene is the idea of vulnerability. At the core of things, this is a fundamental tenant of BDSM as a whole—a sub becomes vulnerable to their dom(me), both physically and mentally, and the Domme, oddly enough, becomes the same.
I write this because hime and I have experimented with this idea recently. We have been fucking near windows.
Now, hear me out. We live on the 9th floor of an apartment building that has a clear view of a park and an office building—that means at 10pm on a Tuesday night, there is no one to peer in at us, especially with the light off. Being the jealous fuck that I am, I would never let anyone but me see her let go.
But it’s the idea of it, the same way people get off on public or semi-public play—someone could see us, and when hime and I play on bed in front of the window, we flirt with that idea.The best bit is, I can make hime feel both secure and completely vulnerable with a single moment.
I’ve mentioned before that I love to make subs cry. I think its worth mentioning again. Its not crying out of hurt—I would rather eviscerate myself, thanks—it’s crying because of that overwhelming feeling of everything that has been holding you up, the pride and shame and rigid control during the day, that I am stripping away and taking for myself.
Something else I enjoy is holding hime’s legs and the lips of her pussy open. I don’t move for a very long time—I just hold her open, and look. There isn’t anything she can do about it. There barely seems to be a reason: I’m not getting any physical pleasure out of it, right?
It’s not the point.
Who but your lover gets to see inside your body? Fucking no one, that’s who, and I am an utter bastard and hammering home that it’s me that gets this gift, only me—and better, it’s a privilege I’m taking without remorse because we have an agreement. hime entrusted herself to me, and while I will do nothing to abuse that gift, not once in my entire life, I am also going to ravage every corner of her and nothing will be kept sacred or safe from me.
This is our agreement, the way we life our lives in the scene, and I am nothing but awed and grateful.
Photo credit (Stock, x)
10 Things About Littles:
- Littles do not belong to you unless you are their Dom(me), and you will not treat them as such.
- Littles are little. This does not mean they are unintelligent.
- All littles feel bonded to others through their mutual understanding and likes.
- This means that littles have the amazing ability to band together and stick up for each other without ever having said two words to each other.
- Littles range in age. There is no “one specific age”. It all depends on the little themself.
- Not everyone’s little side is sexual.
- Being little =/= Having parental “issues” or thoughts of incest.
- If you’re not caring for your little, you are NOT worthy of claiming to be a Daddy/Mommy/Caregiver Dom(me).
- We are human.
- And we are just as human as everyone else and deserve to be treated with that respect and courtesy that every other human gets.